it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
