U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
