So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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