is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize