I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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