Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
