Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
