youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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