Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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