Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
