If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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