I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
