I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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