I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize