the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize