i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
