i think i have two assholes
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
