you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
