Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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