My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
