put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
