yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
