google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
God, I missed his penis.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
