you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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