his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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