Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
