Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
