I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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