Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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