No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
