so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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