I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
