Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize