3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
