Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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