Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
