Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
