I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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