Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize