not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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