I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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