...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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