I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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