Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize