coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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