gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
