was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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