10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
