Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
