I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
