P.S. I can't hear my feet
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
