Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
