I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
