are you still at the devil's house?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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