if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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