so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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