I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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