I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
