Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
