a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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