i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
