Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
