He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
