jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
